her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
