if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
