I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
