It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's like heaven, but drunker
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
