porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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