Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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