so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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