hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
