Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
