this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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