I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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