You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
