please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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