Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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