he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
