i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
