she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
