dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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