so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize