I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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