he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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