need another drink. this is the easiest way
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
