Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
