so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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