Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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