I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
