Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
