i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
