All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
