I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
