im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
