I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
