Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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