No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
