you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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