some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize