Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
