At least make sure they are 18
Why
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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