no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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