Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
