He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Panties = found
Randomize
