Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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