Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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