A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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