YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
soo... how was my night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
