Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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