i think my tv is drunk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
