someone threw a dead crab at me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're too hungover to prance.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
