when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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