hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
