I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
