Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
