we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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