she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
