This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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