Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
