Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
