went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
