my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
