If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
