I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She even gives head with a lisp.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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