Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
