oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
